Xu Lin stayed in the area, stating that as an outsider, he must see to the proper handling of the red coffin before leaving the Lin family village. Of course, he wouldn't stay at my house. After this incident, Lin Sanshui, who was originally an atheist and a staunch Communist, became extremely devoted to supernatural matters. He was eager to worship Xu Lin and, combined with the fact that Lin Sanshui's house was much better equipped than mine, Xu Lin decided to stay with him.
As for me, I was in charge of refueling the eternal lamp in the ancestral hall. This reminded me of my deep infatuation with the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, where Zhuge Liang used the eternal lamp to prolong his life, only to have it extinguished by Wei Yan, thereby ending Zhuge Liang's legendary life.
So I took extra care in tending to the eternal lamp, as it seemed to hold great significance.
After this, my grandfather's haunting on the seventh day ceased, and life in the village returned to normal. On the seventh day, I opened the courtyard door to find it crowded with villagers, all asking with concern, "Xiaofan, has your grandfather, Old Lin, returned?"
While some villagers were merely spectating, others genuinely cared about my family. I reassured everyone of our safety, and I held great respect for Xu Lin, regardless of my beliefs in spirits and ghosts. As Deng Weiren said, "No matter if it's a black cat or a white cat, as long as it catches mice, it's a good cat."
After a walk around the village, I felt refreshed. With my grandfather no longer causing trouble, my family was at peace, giving me the opportunity to fit into village life and be an ordinary person.
To marry and have children, living out the rest of my days.
Upon my return home, my father had already gathered the money for the feng shui master Xu Lin's services. The agreed-upon one thousand yuan was to be delivered that evening, except Xu Lin adamantly refused to accept it. He claimed that the matter hadn't truly been resolved and that he wouldn't accept the money until after the forty-nine days, at the very least, or until after the seventh day to ensure my grandfather didn't return to cause trouble.
In the end, my father and I agreed that while a thousand yuan might not be much for a man of Xu Lin's caliber, waiting forty-nine days to pay him would create unnecessary troubles. After the money was delivered, everything would truly be settled. Xu Lin had said he would return after the forty-nine days to arrange matters here.
Life quickly returned to normal. I saw Wu Mengke a few times on the street, but she always avoided eye contact and barely replied when I greeted her. I tried to greet her a few times, but she seemed preoccupied. Lin Xiaoyao, a veteran, surely could see the intensity in my gaze but chose to ignore it.
In reality, I couldn't discern my own feelings towards this woman. Was it a pathological infatuation, a substitute for the maternal love I lacked as a child, or sympathy for this beautiful woman enduring countless hardships? I didn't know and regretted not decisively turning her away, a decision that had caused me endless pain during my university years.
But I knew that I could never return to the easy familiarity we once shared. The tender moments of that night had become a barrier between us.
Because of this, I even avoided Lin Xiaoyao.
If previously it was due to her prominent facial birthmark, now I simply couldn't face her and her daughter.
But some things couldn't be hidden, especially from a persistent woman like Lin Xiaoyao. One evening after school, she intercepted me at the school gate and stared at my sandals, asking, "Xiaofan, why aren't you wearing the shoes I gave you?"
The shoes she mentioned were a pair of thick-soled, cloth shoes that I kept in my wardrobe. The soles were meticulously crafted from layers of cloth, a time-consuming process. I couldn't meet Lin Xiaoyao's eyes and gestured, "It's hot now, they make my feet sweaty. I'll wear them when it's cooler."
Lin Xiaoyao simply acknowledged my reply, but her silence made me avoid eye contact. I then hurried home, clutching a stack of student work.
Lin Xiaoyao was furious behind me, and I could vividly picture her expression of disappointment. What could I do? I couldn't accept her, nor was there any need to delay her.
"Lin Xiaofan!" she shouted, exasperated.
I finally stopped and turned around. She rushed at me, hugging me tightly with tears streaming down her face.
I stood motionless, neither pushing her away nor returning the embrace, while the villagers passing by gossiped about us.
Ultimately, she fiercely bit into my shoulder. I remained still as she sobbed inconsolably.
"Alright, Xiaoyao, it's late. You should go home," I told her.
But she continued crying.
Finally, she looked at me and said, "You don't like me. From childhood to now, why have you been so kind to me?"
I was speechless. How could I respond? Her interpretation of my kindness stemmed from the fact that I was the only one who dared to play with her when her peers bullied her.
She was a pitiable child. An ordinary action in childhood had led to her deep feelings for me.
I couldn't answer her, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't lie to her, nor could I tell the truth, fearing what stubborn actions she might take in response.
"Xiaofan, if you have time, go see my mom," she said, wiping away her tears and turning to leave, even forcing a smile at me before she walked away.
For some reason, seeing her face made my heart ache deep inside.
Once in the schoolyard, the only woman I ever truly loved told me she wanted to break up, and although I smiled at her and walked away, deep inside, a wordless emptiness lingered, an agony only I could understand.
It's as if I had gained a new set of eyes, allowing me to see the bloody heart of Lin Xiaoyao, a woman abandoned by a man who had just bought a house and a car for another woman, and the sincere love for a plain-jane woman who had adored him since childhood.
Lin Xiaofan, what will you choose? I asked myself in my heart.
Demonstrating a rare moment of vulnerability, I uttered softly, "Xiaoyao."
Some people, even if you call out to them, won't turn back even if you use a horn. Some people wait for just one call from you, and can even hear your whisper.
Lin Xiaoyao immediately stopped and looked at me, dumbfounded. "Give me some time," I smiled at her. She instantly became ecstatic. And it was at this moment that I felt relaxed all over my body. Some obsessions are okay to let go of. After saying goodbye to Lin Xiaoyao, I went into the ancestral hall to add oil to the lamp, checked the doors and windows, fearing that the night wind would blow out the eternal lamp arranged by Xu Lin because of my hug with Lin Xiaoyao, causing the conservative villagers to gossip. I didn't want to hear their chatter, so I stayed in the ancestral hall, even wiping the ancestral tablet incidentally. Looking at the red coffin that even Xu Lin feared, I didn't feel so fearful. No matter what kind of existence you are after death, when you're alive, you're just a normal person with emotions and desires. I stayed until dark, then cautiously made my way home. When I entered the living room, I found my grandmother, who had been unwell recently, sitting at the dining table, with my father smoking nearby and my uncle smiling at me. My heart sank, wishing I could curse. The incident at the school gate was definitely already known to my family. "Grandma, you can go ahead and eat. You don't need to wait for me in the future," I said with a forced smile. Grandma grunted and said, "Xiaofan, I know that we have a generation gap, but as far as I'm concerned, enough with Lin Xiaoyao. Let's not even talk about Wu Miaoke being barren; what about the appearance of Lin Xiaoyao? Do you know what people call her? A reincarnated black pig! We, the Lin family, have managed to produce a college student, and you want to marry her. Aren't you afraid of disgracing even your father?" "Mom, please don't say such things about others," my father said, frowning. I felt awkward, holding a steamed bun, not knowing how to explain to Grandma. Because what she said was true, if I married Lin Xiaoyao, how would the neighbors gossip about me? - Picking her out of everyone, isn't it because Lin Sanshui is the village head and has money? My father only stopped Grandma briefly. He didn't say anything more, but his expression betrayed his attitude; he did not approve of the matter. Grandma didn't say anything after that. In short, the meal didn't have a good atmosphere. Eating the meal felt like chewing wax, and it was an effort to convince myself to accept Lin Xiaoyao. But with the pressure at the moment, where should I go? After all, I am not the protagonist of a novel, with unparalleled strength and courage. I am just a normal person named Lin Xiaofan.